A Christmas To Remember
by Reverencex
Summary: Bella and Edward's story is untouchable in it's timelessness. This is my own personal twist, inspired by the story that I live. AU Storyline.
1. Preface: Sobriquet

_What's in a name? A few letters thrown together in some predetermined fashion,_  
_to form a few syllables by which we can identify a said individual. Now, if you followed_  
_all that babble, you'll know what complete nonsense it is. A name is so, so much more_  
_than that. It can consume us, drive us mad. There have been a few lucky ones to be_  
_recognized as a household name. Then there are some that, while they may not stand_  
_out quite so much, can become someone else's whole world. Those, in my opinion,_  
_are the ones worth knowing, and worth keeping closest to your heart._

* * *

**Author's Note:**

I wanted to specify this at the outset:

INAPPLICABLE TO MOST READERS

In other words, this story was written with a theme in mind,  
based off of personal events and mainly for one set of eyes.  
I welcome all viewers to enjoy the writing, although the  
series of events might prove a tad confusing.

For the set of eyes this is intended for:  
Be aware each character has a persona linked to it.  
If you begin to notice similarities, just go with it. ;]

Lastly, the beginning takes place in late December,  
not the January that Bella first returned to Forks.  
Please keep that in mind as you read.


	2. Silent Clamor

**I.**

Bella sat in slow motion, her knees not wanting to bend as quickly as she would've liked them to. Nerves tended to make her more unsteady than usual, as did the sea of nostalgic faces that was the student body of Forks High School. Shyness had always been one of her biggest flaws, so much so that it crippled her chances of having a social life back in Arizona. Here, it was slightly easier to be her naturally reserved self. People accepted her and her silence, for whatever reason. Then again, with a town that had inhabitants like the Cullens, silence wasn't uncommon, nor necessarily a bad thing.

A figure bounded over to her, and Bella's nostrils were instantly filled with the smell of expensive perfume and hairspray. She chuckled, patting the arm that curled around her own in acknowledgment.

"Are you ready?" Jessica, the polar opposite of silence, squealed.

"Oh yes," Bella said, a sarcastic smile in her voice as well as on her face. "As ready as I'll ever be."

"Come on. Don't be like that." The pout that immediately clouded her friend's features was laughable. Jessica didn't grasp that Bella didn't share her zeal for being thrust into the limelight, but it never failed to amuse her just the same.

"It's just another day," Bella muttered.

"No," Jess gasped. "No it isn't. Today is a _great_ day. Well... it's going to be."

"You're so sure of yourself." She'd meant it with the best of intentions, but Jessica's quick temper, being what it was, misinterpreted it.

"It's called confidence, Bella. You should try it sometime."

Her simple remark wiped away any trace of joy from her expression, and unknowingly, from her entire day.

* * *

Angela, sweetheart though she was, was sometimes so blind to the most obvious of facts. She tried her hardest to feed Jessica's need for adoration, complimenting every small, perfect detail, and making jokes with her about the continuous swelling of her ego. On occasion, she'd drift over to where Bella sat on one of the stiff benches that lined the cafeteria, and try to coax Bella into doing the same. She resisted with the same subtle eloquence she did everyday, so Angela barely noticed the sadness in her voice.

"Have you ever seen her eyes so bright?"

"Yes, actually."

Angela's head turned slightly, her eyebrows furrowing. "What? Really?"

Bella took her eyes off of the page she was reading, looking up at Angie through her lashes. "Mike?"

"Oh, but that was just Mike." Angela swatted at the notion like it was a fly.

"Just Mike." Bella chuckled monotonously.

"Edward's different. He's so much different than any of the guys here."

"I'm not arguing that," Bella sighed. "I'm just saying. The gleam in her eye has been present for every attractive male that's ever walked in through the main entrance."

Angela started. "Well, sure, but who doesn't? Besides, it's Jessica. She can have any of them that she pleases. So why not let her look?"

"Looking's one thing. Touching's another."

Her eyes widened. "I know you're not making insinuations right now."

"No. I'm not. Jessica's my friend as you are, and I wouldn't do that to her. But don't you think she takes a few too many liberties with this whole relationship nonsense?"

"You, Bella, are the only female in Forks that thinks relationships are nonsense. Be sure not to mention that to Jake."

As her eyes rolled sardonically, she was briefly silenced by the name of her lifelong friend and steady boyfriend, Jacob Black. The two of them had grown up smashing mud pies in each other's faces and, upon Bella's return to Forks, began to harbor mutual romantic feelings. Jake was attractive, that was no question. A boy who walked around most of the time without a shirt on, accentuating his flawless torso, and whose kind heart and gentle eyes were rivaled only by his disarming sense of humor, he truly was the catch Angie and Jess would covet if given the chance. And yet, for some odd reason, he had chosen Bella out of the throngs of girls who'd willingly give their right arm for a chance to stare into his eyes.

But the harder Bella looked, the more she seemed to be able to see only one person in her line of vision. This boy, more importantly, was not her Jake. It was someone she had no claim to, no right to call her own. And yet each day would come and go, and his presence in her life not only strengthened, but became more and more of a necessity...

"Edward Cullen." Angela's words ripped Bella from her reverie, and her eyes trained on the mane of unusual bronze hair that had just walked into the cafeteria.

Bella took a moment all to herself to examine the figure before her. While Jacob was beautiful, Edward was truly divine. He could rival the very Greek Gods that inhabited the pages of mythology, and make your head turn to follow him in fixation, lost in the perfection of his gait. If only those were the sole reasons holding Bella's attention to this otherworldly Adonis. She could push something so shallow to the deepest recesses of her mind and lose them forever.

But she could not forget Edward Cullen.

"Isn't he a dream?"

Bella's head spun to locate the source of the statement, her gaze coming to a halt on Jessica's heavily done up, rosy cheeks.

"I mean really. Just look at him."

Bella suddenly wished Jess' eyelashes would bat themselves right off of her face. And she was shocked at herself for the thought, really. It was a rare day when she was so scathing towards anyone, least of all her friends. _Just another reaction to Edward_, she realized. How could one person make her feel all of these emotions at once? Bella turned to stare down the length of the lunch line to where Edward was just taking his place at the end. Without a word, she excused herself from the clutches of her two girl friends, and trekked bravely to the spot directly behind him.

She was nervous, surely. When one finds themselves sitting next to someone as captivating as Edward in a class as dull as Biology, they manage to make a few errant exchanges in between learning about the different stages of Mitosis. But not enough to consider each other confidants. Still, Bella felt obligated to entrust him with Jessica's plans, least she be grilled and questioned teasingly about it the next day during class.

"It's a good thing you wore the leather jacket today," Bella muttered, reaching for the reddest Macintosh on the tray.

Edward started. "Sorry?"

Her eyes fluttered to the table where Jessica sat, fidgeting jubilantly with her brand new bottle of Chanel, trying and failing to conceal it as Edward glanced in the direction Bella'd came. "It's her favorite. That's all." Could her voice be more insinuating?

A chuckle rippled from his chest. "You heard about that, did you?"

"It's kinda hard not to," she reasoned. "Especially when she's calling your house the night before to talk about what to wear the day she makes her move."

Edward blinked, lamenting over her words. "Is that what this is? Just some dumb move, like in a chess game?"

Bella shook her head slightly. "It shouldn't be."

"But it is."

How could she deny it without telling what she knew to be a boldfaced lie?

"You don't have to sugarcoat it," were his next words. "I'd prefer if you were honest with me. Even if Jessica won't be."

"She says she loves you." The words, while choked slightly, were the truth as far as she knew it. Jessica was just as much in love with him as she had been with any of her infatuations. Perhaps even more so.

"As her friend, what's your evaluation of her feelings for me?" he asked, quiet yet pleasantly curious.

Ouch. She couldn't get out of that one. "I think what she needs is for someone to show her the meaning of 'the one,' if that makes sense."

How could lashes that shimmered like that blink so quickly? "And you think I might be able to do that for her?"

The words caught in her throat, but she managed to push them out. "I think you're capable of that. Yes."

This time, he looked her dead in the eye. And it was so much harder to keep her heart beating at it's normal pace than it should have been when he spoke her name. "Bella... what if I can't?"

"...then that's that."

"What's what?"

"That's that. At least you tried. Right?"

With a breathless chuckle, he nodded and turned to hand his five dollar bill over to the lunch lady. "Right." Edward tucked his change in his jacket pocket, and gave her one last fleeting sideways glance. "I'm sure I'll see you later." And with that, he was half walking, half jogging to his usual seat at his family's secluded table.

"...with your arm wrapped around her," she breathed, long after he was out of earshot. It was strange to think that he might actually have heard her, because his head tilted just slightly. But he soon straightened up, and she just as quickly went back to her bench to eat her skimpy apple of a lunch. She silently wished that it would have enough medicinal purposes to allow her stomach to unclench itself, if only for a moment's peace.


	3. Expedite

**II.**

The day dragged on with Bella's mind anywhere but on her classes. Biology was uneventful for the most part - the most noting parts being Mike Newton nearly lighting up his shirtsleeve on a Bunsen burner and Edward's eyes carefully looking anywhere but directly at her. She wanted to grill him, ask him every question imaginable. _Do you like her the way she likes you? Are you going to ask her out? Reluctantly? All for it? Do you love her?_ The last one, for some reason, was the hardest to swallow. Besides, what if he did? It's not like she had any say in the matter. She didn't. She knew that. But why was her heart so in it?

After her last class, Bella trudged through the steady rain that beat down hard on the soggy ground beneath her feet to her truck. She'd just reached the edge of the parking lot when a figure stood in her way. This one, unlike the rest, didn't have a hood. Regardless, she was still surprised when she recognized the pale skin, high cheekbones, and bronze hair.

"Bella?"

"You really should have your hood up," she murmured. "You'll catch your death of cold if you let yourself get soaked in this."

Edward's smirk was knowing yet politely patient. "Are you busy tonight?"

That caught her off guard. It took her a second or two longer than it should've for her to respond. "What?"

His smile, somehow, grew more patient and amused. "Do you have plans?"

"I have homework."

"I'm trying to get a group going to dinner tonight."

"Who's going so far?"

His smile fell slightly. "Jessica and I."

Of course. "Don't you think you should keep dinner private? Just the two of you?"

"No."

His sudden bluntness baffled her. "Why?"

"I asked her if she wanted to get a group going. She said yes."

Jessica wanting an audience wasn't hard to believe. But if she wanted to seal the deal with Edward, as she was only too obvious about, wouldn't a quiet table be easier to do so at? "Wait. You said you asked her."

"To get a group to go."

"Did you ask her to dinner in the first place?"

This time, the word wasn't so brusque. "No."

Bella dipped her head, hiding the smile that spread across her face from this sudden, irrational happiness.

"What?"

"It's nothing." She quickly rearranged her features and lifted her eyes to his. "You should ask Angela to go. Maybe Ben. Tyler and Lauren might be up to it, too."

"Jake."

Jessica's voice startled Bella more than Edward first had, and she forced herself not to glare as she came up behind him and threaded her arm around his.

"You should bring Jake, Bella. I'm sure he wouldn't mind coming along."

She could only nod as Jess led Edward towards the cars. He turned back to mouth the word, "Call."

_I will_, she silently replied.

* * *

Bella's phone call to Jacob was short. He seemed excited to be doing something tonight, especially when she overheard him yelling the news to his dad, Billy. He sounded five years old again. It made her smile. In a silent promise to herself, Bella swore she'd try and be as happy as him when she answered the door when he arrived.

Her next phone call was to Edward's phone. Instead of listening to the phone ring, she started when she heard her own name spoken into the mouthpiece of the other end.

"Bella."

"Uhm... hi there."

"Something wrong?"

"No, no. Just - you asked me to call you."

"Are you coming tonight?"

"Yes. I just need to know what time and where we can meet you."

"'We.' So you took Jessica's advice."

"She would've had a fit if I hadn't."

"True." There was a long moment of silence before he continued. "Bella Italiana, seven o'clock. Angela and Ben are coming, too. But Lauren and Tyler already have plans."

"So you took my advice."

She was grateful she could hear a smile in his voice. "Do you guys need a ride?"

"Thank you, but the truck can manage a trip to Port Angeles and back without crumbling."

"It's a senior citizen, that beastly hunk of steel you drive."

She could've kicked herself for it, but a small, girly giggle escaped her. "See you soon."

"Bella?"

"Yes?"

"Can I ask a question?"

"Of course."

"...nevermind." She heard a click that signaled Edward hanging up.

Bella took the phone away from her ear and squinted at it blankly. She waited a moment before placing the same call to Jessica, letting her know they'd be at the restaurant in time, Jacob in tow. Jess seemed annoyed at the phone call, but eased up some after Bella assured her Jake would be coming as well. After she hung up the third time, she cringed.

"This is gonna be a long night."

"Good - the longer, the better."

"Jake!" She twirled on the the spot to face the russet boy that stood in the entryway of the kitchen. "I think you need to start knocking again. Before I have a heart attack, that is."

The smile that spread across his face almost wiped away the frantic anticipation of tonight. Almost. Not quite.

"Hi to you, too," he joked, strolling over to where she leaned up against the counter. He placed his hands on either side of her, bending down slightly to press his lips to her forehead. Her forehead, without her permission, wrinkled in response to his touch. Of course, he noticed. "Is everything alright?"

"Jessica's being her usual, delightful self. But other than that, everything's fine."

Jacob chuckled. "Why do you hang out with her again?"

"She's my friend."

"Sure, sure." Jacob backed away slowly toward the staircase. "I think this calls for a little you me, upstairs; just a quick chat." When she didn't move, he grinned coaxingly. "If you please."

Bella rolled her eyes, not wanting to have this meaningless conversation. But the promise she'd made herself, about being all smiles for Jacob when he arrived, had already gone quite badly. Now was her chance at redemption. "If we're late, it's completely your fault."

"Gladly."

Jacob's arms reminded Bella of what it would feel like to be trapped inside of a furnace. It was in that furnace that she now sat, being pressed tightly against its solid exterior. They stayed like that for a long while, Bella's cheeks turning rouge from the sheer heat that pulsated off of his skin, and Jake breathing softly in her ear. She watched the strands of her hair dance with each exhale. _Jacob,_ she ventured, her thoughts a quiet haven from having to speak the words out loud. _You deserve honesty. You've done nothing wrong, and have always been my best friend. I love you. Why is it so hard to tell you what I'm feeling?_ Like a radar, his arms suddenly tightened around her slightly, coddling her instead of merely holding her. She liked this. Him being here, being the best friend he was to her. He knew her front and back, and judged her emotions better than even she herself could at times. Why then was this so hard? She should be sharing this inner turmoil with her best friend. She knew that. She also knew why she couldn't. She was dating her best friend; not the boy that made her heart skip like a Victrola.

"Talk to me," Jake said, no louder than any breath he took.

"I'm at odds with myself," she allowed. She knew she couldn't lie to him. She didn't even want to. But she couldn't afford to tell him the truth.

"You always have been." How could he know things like that? "What makes this time any different?"

"This feels like something I should be able to control."

"And you're finding it difficult to?"

Damn him for asking the questions that struck right at the heart of things. "It's like I don't want to."

"But you think you should."

"Yes."

"Hmm." He mulled that over silently, the wind returning and billowing her curls once more. "Depending on what it is, it could be completely insignificant and you're just overreacting, or huge. But knowing you, it's life or death."

She didn't realize until after she could speak again that her eyes had widened to the size of silver dollars. _Good poker face, stupid._ "How do you mean?"

"You've got the worst luck of any girl I've ever seen, Bells. I love you to pieces but it's true."

She allowed a chuckle. "Thanks."

"No, I'm serious. If it's not something huge, then you wouldn't be worrying about it. You're logical like that. But, with your luck, it's quite important. And it's vital you figure out."

Now was her chance to make peace with what she'd given him. And it was an ends that he could live with. She glanced back into his deep brown eyes, nearly black in the bad light, and whispered her request. "Could I figure this one out on my own, please? It's kind of important that I do."

His content smile and soft kiss to the top of her head were assurance enough, but he said the words anyway. "Yes. And I know you'll make the right choice. You'll know."

Bella allowed herself to be coddled for a little while longer before insisting they get ready to leave. He agreed, a subtle reluctance in his eyes. She knew he was curious, and felt horrible for not telling him. Even on her strongest of days, she could not deny Jacob Black anything. But today, it had been necessary. Especially to take in whatever happened tonight with a clear conscience.

_Please,_ she begged of her resolve. _Please. Figure this out tonight, so you can lay it to rest once and for all._


	4. Rendezvous

**III.**

The cab of the truck always seemed smaller than usual when Jake rode next to her, but tonight it felt more claustrophobic than ever. It felt... crowded. That was the word. Chalked full, but not with people. With unspoken words and questions. Bella wanting to know what Jake was thinking, and more than likely vice versa. Neither of them wanted to be the one to give in, and so they rode like that the entire trip. One semi-uncomfortable stalemate. _Well,_ she reconciled, _after tonight the awkwardness won't matter. It'll either have been for the best, or one big misunderstanding that we can both move on from._ But, buried deeper underneath her thoughts, on some unconscious level that didn't stem from her mind, Bella had the vague suspicion no one ever got over Edward Cullen. The way she'd reacted to him, even in their first encounter, was irrevocable. She'd been a ball of clashing, strong emotions in that short hour that seemed to drag on forever. She was used to calm, and was content in it's repetition. When she was thrown, so suddenly and unreasonably out of her comfort zone by this boy, it left its mark. It had altered her on the inside, without her even knowing. But she reacted to it all the same. She was, after all, only human.

There was no parking right in front of the door to the restaurant, so Bella pulled into a spacious vacancy on a side street. She took a deep breath before unbuckling. _Relax,_ the voice in her head begged.

_I can't._

"You look beautiful."

At least the last voice had been real, and spoken aloud. "Thank you," she replied automatically.

"You don't believe me, do you?" Jake asked quietly.

"Hey. Your infinite wisdom's showing."

Her joke wasn't funny, but he chuckled just the same. "Take it for what it's worth." When she didn't reply right away to his sarcasm, he continued. "You look nervous."

Bella turned her head slightly so she could look straight into his eyes. "Why are you so damn observant?"

His chuckle returned, low and tremulous. "You have a face that holds no secrets. Your eyes especially. Quoting Renée, you're an 'open book,' remember?"

"And your memory's too good."

"Bella. It's dinner. What's more, you know _everyone_ who's going to be there. You're friends with all of them. And you're nervous," he ended in a scoff.

"Jessica's going to make Edward ask her out." It slipped out - she hadn't meant to blurt it out like that, or say it at all for that matter. It was an instant regret, one that sent her stomach reeling. And she was supposed to eat dinner after this? Dear God.

"Edward?" Jacob asked in confusion.

As if in answer to his question, there was suddenly a voice at Bella's left ear. "She is, eh? Well thanks for ruining the surprise."

Bella nearly jumped out of her skin for what felt like the millionth time that day. "I swear, between the two of you sneaking up on me, I'll be gray by the time I'm thirty." She huffed before switching nonchalantly over to formalities. "Jacob, this is Edward Cullen. Edward, this is-"

"We've met," Edward interrupted. His eyes were stuck on Jacob's face, unmoving. His expression was like stone. "Jacob." He said it like a greeting, but his tone sounded anything but.

"Edward." Jacob used the same tone, but didn't deny knowing Edward.

Bella's head swiveled back and forth, taking in both faces with bewilderment. "I'm missing something, here."

"How do you know Jessica's intentions, by the way?" Edward questioned distractingly.

It worked. "Oh, please. Like you didn't already know by this afternoon."

That was enough to make him finally look over at her. "What?"

"You knew, Edward. I know you knew."

"And how do you know this?"

She shrugged. "You have a gift."

His mouth fell open. It would've been comical if Bella wasn't already mystified.

"Well? You always seem to know what everyone's intentions are whenever they do anything. You know every single time you're called on in Biology. You always straighten up quickly and pretend like you've been listening the whole time. And you were already on guard this morning in the cafeteria. You knew."

"...I think you're the one who's far too observant, Bella," he muttered.

This time it were her eyes were the ones to widen. "You heard that? But you weren't anywhere near-"

"I'm sorry for eavesdropping. Are you both coming in, or eating in the truck?"

"Very funny," she sighed, reaching for the rusted handle. But the door was already swinging open. She glanced up. Edward was holding the door open politely for her, smiling a crooked smile. She stared at it as she slid out of the front seat of the cab, completely forgetting her boyfriend was watching the both of them intently. It wasn't until much, much later that Bella realized how terribly rude she was being. But not at that moment. She was far too absorbed in the perfection of Edward's face.

A hand, large, calloused, and warm, clamped itself firmly around her tiny, fragile one, bringing her out of her reverie with a jolt.

"C'mon, Bells," Jake coaxed. She could feel him tense when she turned and waited for Edward to walk along on her other side. She wished she knew why they hated each other already, as it was obvious they did. They were so different, and Bella doubted they'd been friends even before whatever dispute kept them from getting along. Also, they had never mentioned knowing each other. Not even a whisper. She vaguely wondered if her torn feelings would end up making matters worse than they already were. The answer came to her almost immediately. _Of course it will._

Bella was almost grateful it was Jacob to hold the door this time, so she wouldn't need an excuse to not stare again. She didn't spare him the reproachful glare that resulted from him trying to slam the door in Edward's face. She felt a twinge of gratitude for those same reflexes that often made her jump.

"Is this why you were nervous?" Jake continued in a low whisper.

Bella let the warmth inside the restaurant remind her that she had a duty to the warm hand that clung to hers. The verbal rebuke could wait til later, when the two of them were alone. "Behave," she scolded quietly.

"No, I'm serious. This guy's enough to give anyone the creeps-"

"Say one more thing, and we're turning around and walking right back out."

"No." Yet again, a head-spinner. She twirled to look up into Edward's golden ocher eyes. "Please, stay. You should be here tonight."

"Maybe we've decided against it," Jacob retorted, trying to edge his way in front of her. She shoved him as gently as she could while still effective against his inhuman strength, not allowing it.

"Maybe it's not for you to decide." He said it so politely. Why, then, did it sound so much like a threat? _No,_ Bella's mind resounded. _I'm not having this._

"Enough." It was firm and direct. She looked at neither when she said it, but didn't lower her eyes to the floor. She did one final twirl, to see into both of their faces before repeating her request. "Enough. For one hour, at least, I think it's fair to say we can sit at the same table and eat without throwing daggers at each other. Agreed?"

"Yes," Edward agreed. It took Jake a few more seconds than Bella would've liked, but he muttered a "yes" in response as well.

"Thank you," she sighed with relief. "Now, where is everybody?"

"Far back, all the way to the right," Edward supplied, stepping forward to lead the way. She was only too grateful to fall into step behind him, letting go of Jake's hand under the presumption of squeezing between the crowded tables and chairs. The heat, she found, was already overwhelming. She craved the cool night air. _One hour,_ she reminded herself.

One thing could be said of Jessica: she always dressed to match her intentions. Tonight, she was wearing a fluttery, thin top in a bright and somewhat obnoxious shade of hot pink, one that clearly showed off her... assets. While she couldn't see underneath the table, Bella would put money on a skirt, short, and high, matching heels. There was no jacket on the peg behind her. _She walked up to him in_ that? Bella thought scathingly. _In all the time it took her to paint her face and curl her hair, you would've thought she could have at least found a jacket to slip into so she wouldn't catch her death of cold._ Then she realized it. _They've yet to make a jacket that leaves as little to the imagination as that shirt._ Bella grumbled underneath her breath. "I'll go cross-eyed before the appetizer." She thought she heard Edward snicker. The possibility that he had made her brave enough to smile at Jess and the others as they took their seats.

"Hi, Bella!" Angela piped. Ben waved shyly beside her, and Bella returned both gestures. Angie wasn't close enough to hug, but she would've liked to. She wore a sensible purple tunic that reminded Bella of a plum. She looked lovely, but that wasn't why she wanted to hug her. It was because sitting next to Jessica, all done up and belonging on the cover of Seventeen magazine, Angela looked beautiful and real.

The toothy grin that was cast in her direction from the bright pink seat was slightly less heartwarming, but Bella smiled just the same. She wouldn't be unfriendly tonight. Not even if it killed her not to.


	5. Retaliate

**IV.**

"Hi you two lovebirds," Jessica nearly sang across the table. Jacob pulled Bella down beside her, in an attempt to distance her from the boy he didn't care for. What he didn't realize was that she only took notice of how she was positioned directly across from him. She felt bad, knowing she would stare at his face whenever he spoke. But she couldn't help it. She didn't even think she wanted to help it at this point.

"Jess, you remember Jake." Bella made a stab at being cordial.

"Of course!" Why couldn't her reaction have been more like Edward and Jake's? Then she'd actually have a legitimate reason for being hot under the collar. "That was some good party. All of us at the beach, sitting around the fire you Quileute guys built... you were there, remember Angie?"

"Only the best, down in LaPush," Jake said proudly as Angela nodded, sipping her drink.

"I'm actually surprised Bella could make it tonight!" Jessica continued. Loudly, at that. "I thought she'd be busy at one of your guys' get-togethers."

"We don't party as much as you think," he countered, feeding Jess's fire. "We save the good stuff for when you pale faces come down."

"Aha! 'Pale faces.' Well, I guess you have a point there. I don't see how you have such a handsome complexion, what with the weather as crappy as it is around here. I'm lucky if I get a tan one day out of the year!"

Jake's eyes, and everyone else's for that matter, widened and flew in Bella's direction. Her eyebrows pulled together in confusion. _What? Is there something on my face?_ She wiped at the corners of her mouth her napkin, but there was nothing there. She glanced back up. Angie looked like she was ready to laugh. But the others, Edward included, looked in awe.

"Uhm... thanks?" was Jake's nervous response.

It carried on like that for a few minutes, Jessica adverting her attention to Angela's hair briefly. That was when Bella's hip vibrated. A text?

"**You realize she just called your boyfriend handsome?**"

The number was Edward's. That's strange. She hadn't even seen him typing.

"**No? She just said he had a nice complexion.**"

"**A HANDSOME complexion.**"

He was right. Why hadn't she caught that?

"**I didn't realize it at the time.**"

"**Usually girls tend to be protective of boys.**"

"**I got Jacob to stop going after you, didn't I?**"

"**Yes. Yes you did. Look at me.**"

She did. And, looking up over her phone's screen, she saw a smile pointed right at her. _Thank you,_ he mouthed.

"**(: You're welcome.**"

"**Why didn't you mouth it back to me?**"

"**So you could take the smile with you, after dinner.**"

"**I like that reason.**"

"Who are you texting?"

The question came from her left, and was spoken rather than sent to her. She looked up from her screen again, pressing "Delete All Inbox" as she did. She also caught Edward shake his head ever so slightly as her eyes passed over him.

"Renée. She wanted to check in tonight and see how I was doing."

"Your mom's a fiend with that texting, now that she's actually learned how."

She grinned and turned back to the cluster of her friends, now chattering over the water Ben had dribbled down his front. Angela, though she couldn't help but laugh a little, was helping to pat it dry. Ben looked rather pleased at this turn of events. Edward was watching her curiously. Bella felt much the same look on her face when she turned to face him, especially when they all finally ordered their food. He was reluctant to order anything at all, let alone the small basket of a morsel he ended up with.

"No, thank you. I'm fine," he assured the young waitress.

"You're kidding, right?" said Jessica, who had carefully ordered the tiniest salad on the menu.

"I'm not really hungry," he countered, leaving the girl holding her pen and paper awkwardly.

"He'll have the mozzarella sticks," Bella interrupted as Jessica went to make a fuss that she'd be eating more than her 'date.' Again, the eyes flew in her direction. "I'll split them with you."

Nobody except Edward seemed pleased to hear this. _Too bad,_ she thought with a sigh. She was already having to listen to Jessica's swooning. She didn't need to hear her whine, too.

"So," Jessica announced as the girl finally left with all of their orders. She was looking pointedly at Edward. He had tensed a moment before, and was now sitting as rigid as a statue in his seat. _Lovely,_ Bella sighed again. _Here it comes._ "There are no secrets between friends, and we're all friends here." Why? Why did she have to be so damn perky? "And it's no secret that I really like you."

Edward didn't move. He didn't move, and he didn't look at her. What the hell did that mean? And then he sat up straight, glaring at the person to her left.

"What?" Jake chuckled. He was thoroughly amused, or so his tone revealed. "She wasn't talking to me, buddy."

"Oh, Jake! Don't be silly!" Jessica tucked her hair behind her ear, laughing nervously. Bella caught that one at least. "Of course I was talking to Edward!"

It was Bella's turn not to move. Any twitch would betray how upset she was.

"Jessica," Angela stuttered, trying to relieve the heaviness that had settled around the table. "I think Edward's too overwhelmed to really say anything."

"Well, how sweet of him." It could very well have been the lighting, but it looked like Jess's cheeks were slowly turning more and more of a delicate shade of pink.

At the same time, her hip vibrated once more. She was sneaky as she took it out and peaked at the words on the tiny screen.

"**Is there anything you'd like to say? Now would be the time.**"

Edward.

"You know, Jess," Bella said softly, "I think you're right about Edward. He's really a very likable guy. Heck, I'd go so far as to say we all really like him. Everyone who knows him, that is," she ended on a sour note, casting a sideways glance at Jake.

From pink to blanched white within a matter of seconds. It amused Bella to no end. Another vibration.

"**You don't have to if you don't want to.**"

"Well... of course. I mean... you'd be crazy not to like Edward. But, I don't think you understand me, Bella."

"Please, feel free to elaborate." Snooty wasn't something she was used to. But she was giving it a try all the same.

"**I want to. As long as you don't mind, I want to.**"

"I'm trying to drive at a point. You know? Say something a little more important than 'I like you.'"

"You did. You said you really liked him. I'm saying I really like him, too."

It was so quiet at the table that she had to press her phone to the denim of her pant leg to keep everyone from hearing it go off.

"**Why would I mind?**"

"I don't think you like him half as much as I do."

"No?"

"Not at all."

"Try me."

"**It's if you didn't care whether I did or not that scares me.**"

The smirk on Jessica's face was obstinate and challenging as she spoke. "He's my favorite guy friend at the moment, thank you. He's _my_ Edward."

"You can't have him."

"**I care.**"

"Excuse me?"

"You can't have him," she repeated. She was positive that the goose bumps crawling up her left arm had nothing to do with the fan slowly oscillating from that direction. Jake, usually her sun, was throwing the coldest stare at her she'd ever seen on his face. She hated herself for it. But it was too late to go turn back now. She'd already said too much.

Jessica looked ready to throw a fit. "Why do I have to fight for him? Why can't he just be mine?"

"Because I'm not going to make it that easy for you."

"**Aren't you going to say anything?**"

"What's your deal, Bella?" Quietly enraged. _Good. That makes two of us._

"No deal, Jess. I'm just being completely honest."

"**You're doing quite well on your own.**"

"You're not making any sense."

"How so?"

"You're sitting next to your boyfriend and saying in the same breath that Edward's unavailable."

"**I can't be the one to say it.**"

"Oh, no. He's quite available, last I knew."

"What?"

"**Why?**"

"Oh, I see," Jessica giggled. "You're just being cute. Cheeky, Bella, cheeky. Not so cute, though."

"There's nothing cute about me. I'm sure you've noticed. But that doesn't mean I don't have the right to put in my two cents."

"**Jake.**"

Jessica pushed back her chair and threw her napkin onto the table. "This is all very interesting, but I think I need to use the bathroom. Angie. Come with me?"

"O-of course." She looked almost scared as she stood up. Bella shot her a what she hoped was apologetic look before she followed on Jessica's heels to the restrooms.

Thank God their food came shortly after. And along with it, a text. While their waitress was setting Jake's plate in front of him, she snuck a peak. "**What can't you say in front of Jake?**"

She took Jake's diversion to type back quickly. "**The truth. And it sucks on a level you can't imagine.**"

"**Tell ME the truth.**"

"**I will. Later.**"

Edward pushed the basket of cheese sticks across the table wordlessly, but he caught her eye and with it, a tiny nod.

"Here come the girls," Ben squeaked.

Angela still looked like she was ready to cry, while Jessica walked with her usual brazen demeanor. Bella's eyes shifted back and forth between them, wondering what had just occurred. But instead of looking for answers there, she looked at Edward. His face would reveal the truth. It was his gift, after all. Being cognizant of such things.

"My mom called while we were in the bathroom," Angela said slowly, almost theatrically. Like lines in a play. "Since Jessica drove, we have to get going."

Ben looked down at the meal, still steaming, that he had politely waited to dig into until they got back. Edward, meanwhile, looked at Angela momentarily, and then cast a heated glance at Jess. Not a moment later, Bella felt a strong urge to reach out and yank on the curl Jessica had to keep flipping behind her ear. Instead, she touched Ben's arm very lightly and whispered to him. "Just take it with you and heat it up when you get home."

He nodded, but still looked disappointed. Bella understood. She wasn't calling Jessica a bitch to her face, after all. But she was still thinking it.

After boxing everything up and grabbing their coats, Edward took out his wallet and headed towards the register. Bella moved to follow him, grabbing her purse. Jake pushed back on her arm, looking at her pleadingly.

"I'm not letting him pay all on his own," she muttered, pushing past him all the same. _I'm sorry, Jake,_ she thought silently to herself. She realized how much she was hurting him with every single thing she did. And she only felt worse and worse by the minute for it.

She was just pulling out two twenties when Edward got the man behind the counter's attention. "You're not paying," he shooed at her.

"Like hell I'm not," Bella grumbled, holding the money out to him.

Edward chuckled, but took the money, handing her one of his own bills. "There's your change."

Bella had to look twice before realizing he'd given her a fifty. "You little twerp."

At least that made him smirk. "When's 'later'?"

She thought a moment. "Come over tonight. When he leaves."

"And you'll explain?"

"Everything," she promised.

"See you later, then," he promised back, departing with a relieved smile.

"What was that?" Jacob asked as they pulled away from the curb a few moments later.

She thought a moment before answering in a very, very small voice. "A disaster."


	6. Contingency

**V.**

The car ride home was nothing short of subliminal. She sat in the drivers' seat, leaning up against the coldness of the window to keep her face from overheating. She was so mad at herself for the condition of the boy in the passengers' seat that she felt she might turn lobster red at any minute.

_Jake's done nothing wrong,_ she kept telling herself over and over again. _So why are you putting him through this? Then again, what_ are _you putting him through?_ And every time she'd hit that bump in her train of thought, she'd sneak a glance at him. She wanted to know what he was feeling. She wanted to know if he was hurt, or if she was foolish for even thinking that she was important enough to be hurt over. She'd always known she wasn't what he deserved, that she could never be. In her mind, however, she couldn't reconcile how that also meant that they weren't meant to be together. And, therefore, she vowed she'd stay for as long as she made him happy. Looking over at the face that was hidden in the shadows playing off of her dashboard, she had a very good feeling that this had been her first step in the direction of taking that happiness away from him. And that... that just wouldn't do.

Yet even as they sat there and she continued to worry for him, her thoughts betrayed her once more. She thought of Edward. She thought of what she would say to him when he arrived that night, and how much of it would make sense. She had a feeling it wouldn't be as coherent as she'd like it to be. And, glancing at Jake for the millionth time, she realized she would hurt him the deepest tonight, by telling Edward the truth as she had promised. She would tell him how she dreamt of him almost every night, and how she often had the urge to reach out and touch the soft fabric of his leather jacket, letting her fingertips trail along the back of his hand as they did. She would tell him that since she'd met him, he had become something of a necessity to her; that she didn't need him to like her, although it was something worth wishing upon a shooting star for. Again, she snuck a glance at Jacob, apologizing wordlessly. She needed Edward. Anything else was secondary. And in that necessity, there was irrevocable, unconditional love. A love she would apologize to no one for. Not even Jake.

She couldn't say these things to Jessica tonight. It would be a slap in the face like no other to Jake, not that she hadn't already perpetually let him down by her display just now. And, as she constantly reminded herself, he'd done nothing to deserve such treatment.

You've got a lot of talking to do, Bella internally groaned. Now you just have to pray you find the right words.

* * *

Bella pulled into her driveway, her engine ruining any hope of not waking her father if he'd already gone to bed. She'd barely put it in park when Jacob slid out of his door and began walking towards the woods.

"Jake?" Bella called after him. She struggled with her seat belt and, finally free, ran to meet him at the corner of the house. "Jake, wait."

"I'll talk to you tomorrow. Call me after school, if you want."

"I need to tell you something."

"It's all good, Bells. I know what happened. I'm just kinda weirded out by it. I'm not gonna be much company tonight, so I'm just heading home."

"Wait. What do you mean?"

"I'm trying to tell you it's fine. I thought about it in the car, and you didn't do anything wrong. I wish I'd reacted differently to you telling me it was Edward Cullen we were having dinner with tonight. But otherwise... it's just weird."

"I don't know what you're talking about." And it was true. He wasn't making any sense.

"You feel guilty, don't you? About defending him to Jessica tonight?"

"Of course I do, but-"

"Don't." His old smile returned. The comforting one that told her it was alright. The one he didn't know how to fake.

"How did you go from gloomy to happy like that?" she demanded.

"You finally reacted to me sitting quiet the whole way home. And it's all the reassurance I need." He leaned down then, pressing a kiss to her forehead. She closed her eyes and struggled to understand. "Goodnight." He took off at a run, and there was no way to call him back now.

She'd pester the living snot out of him tomorrow until he told her what on Earth he'd just said, and what it all meant subsequently.

"Hey, Dad," she sighed as she shrugged out of her coat. He was at the foot of the stairs, a sandwich and a drink in his hands. Rainier, by the looks of it.

"Hey. Everything go alright?" he asked around a mouthful of deli meat.

"Yeah. It was a good dinner."

"How would you know?" he chuckled. "You brought it home with you."

Bella held up the white box that held the majority of her order from the restaurant. "Angela's mom called as we were getting the food, and half of the others had rode with her. So we just called it a night."

That was good enough for Charlie. One of the simple pleasures living with her father brought - his evident, yet not overdone concern. "Well, you get some sleep, okay? Last day of school for the week. Gotta be perky."

Bella smiled at his sarcasm. "G'night, Dad."

"Night." He trudged up the stairs, his footsteps heavy with exhaustion. She stayed on the bottom step until she heard his door close, then headed to the fridge to put her meal away.

On her way back through, she heard a soft knock on the front door. Had she not been walking by, she wouldn't have heard it. She glanced up at the second floor landing, but nothing stirred. Tentatively, she made her way to the unlatch the lock.

"Am I too early?" Edward Cullen was standing in her doorway, in all his magnificence. Finding her voice to form a response had never been so difficult.

"No, but - I thought you'd wait for me to call."

"Was he quite upset with you?"

"He seemed like it, at first. But now I'm not so sure."

"Is that why he didn't come in?"

Bella crossed her arms in front of her. "You followed us home, didn't you?"

His expression never changed, but his eyes suddenly sparkled. "Of course not."

"Then how did you know? And how did you know he was gone already?"

"You should keep your voice down. You'll wake Charlie."

"Wake Char- Do you have something to tell me?" She wasn't writing this off as coincidence. Not this time.

His smile was slow, and not altogether happy. In fact, it nearly broke her heart to see it twist and turn at his features so sadly. "I have a lot to tell you. But first, I want you to keep your promise."

"To tell you what I couldn't say at dinner," she confirmed.

"Yes."

Bella snuck a glance behind her, looking at the stairwell. She couldn't stand here in her doorway and have this conversation, and she couldn't risk waking her father. His fierce love of Jake and his father, Billy Black, would not help her case tonight. "Would it be alright if we take your car and drive while we talk? For some privacy?"

His eyes did noticeably widen that time. "Uhm..."

Bella leaned up on the tips of her toes to see behind him, and she saw a driveway that only had two vehicles in it - her truck, and her father's police cruiser. Her eyebrows pulled together in utter confusion. "How did-?"

"Could we come in instead, please? It doesn't matter where." His words were rushed, nervous, and anxious. She could have been wrong, but it sounded like he was in a rush to say something. That disarmed her enough to put the mystery of how he arrived here so soon after she and Jake did, knowing he was already gone, and that he hadn't set foot in the house that night. She wouldn't forget to seek her answers. But they could wait.

"My room?" she acquiesced.

He nodded soundlessly, and followed her through the door that she carefully relocked and up the creaky stairs. Bella actually looked back halfway up them to make sure he'd followed her. She couldn't hear his feet, which were the size of Charlies', on the noisiest plank of wood they crossed. It was great for keeping their presence hidden from Charlie. But it only added to her list of questions to ask him.

"I'm sorry it's such a mess," she whispered after they'd both safely made it through the threshold and she'd shut the door tightly behind her.

Edward looked so out of place standing in the middle of her tiny bedroom. Like a statue of David in a children's museum. He glanced around, taking in every detail, scrutinizing it. She stood against her door, waiting for him to turn to look at her, so she could see what his eyes would say. His head paused momentarily facing the stacks of paperbacks that lined the side of her bed, and she wondered if his eyesight was good enough to where he could examine their spines. If he could, he'd see that most of the titles were classics most of their classmates would cringe away from. But, as his eyes finally returned to hers, there was nothing of a cringe in them. Not even judgment. He seemed... happy with himself, and content to be so. It made her smile.

"It's rather comfortable."

"My mess?"

He smiled back. "It's not so much a mess as it is lived in."

"An organized mess," Bella offered.

"Speaking of messes," Edward began. "You and I should have a seat."

"I'm nervous." She didn't know why she said it out loud. But it was the truth.

"So am I."

That was all the convincing she needed.


	7. Antiphon

**VI.**

Silence. Both sat opposite each other on the small bed, staring at the other intently. An onlooker would think it quiet rude, really. Of course, Bella knew better. Edward's face revealed the inner turmoil he was experiencing, his indecision and hesitance plain to see, and she was sure hers betrayed her own identical notions. Only, her thoughts had words to them. She vaguely wondered, on a momentary tangent, if they were privy to what the other was thinking, it would set them more at ease. Somehow, she thought it would. She even waited for Edward's sixth sense to kick in and him to twitch to life and begin the conversation. But it didn't seem to be functioning now. He seemed just as... vulnerable, as she was. And that gave her the courage to speak the words she had until now kept to herself.

"You wanted to know why Jacob's presence made it impossible for me to get into it with Jessica. More than I did, that is."

Never had a crooked smile looked so becoming. "Actually, you really didn't have the chance to. Since she made Angela give an excuse so she wouldn't have to endure it further."

Bella nodded. "I had a feeling."

"She sort of threw a fit," he continued. "She's not used to be underhanded."

"Underhanded? You mean what I said tonight? About how she couldn't have you?"

"Not once had it crossed her mind you would challenge her. Not until I asked you specifically to join us for dinner."

"You just didn't want to be alone with her," she accused with a smirk of her own.

His widened in response. "Very good. That and I thought you should be there, to say anything you had or wanted to."

"How did you know I would've wanted to say anything at all?" she asked gently, encouragingly. She was glad he'd picked up on that, but she wanted to know how.

"You sounded very offended at the thought of my arm being wrapped around her."

Bella's pupils dilated. "You couldn't have heard that."

"And yet I did. I'll tell you," he interrupted as she began to spit out a question, raising his hand like a crossing guard. "Let's finish one thing at a time. First, Jessica and Jacob."

"Then, your Spidey Senses."

He put a hand over his mouth to muffle his chuckle. "Fair enough. Now. I gave in that I didn't want to be alone with Jessica tonight. Was it for the same reason your face fell when Jessica said to bring Jacob along?"

She thought a moment before nodding. "I didn't want him to be there. To hinder what would be said."

"What exactly was hindered by his being there?"

"What I did say tonight was insulting to him, as my boyfriend. If he'd just been there as a friend, it wouldn't have mattered in the least. And if he hadn't been there at all, I would've gone further into detail exactly why she couldn't have you."

"He's your best friend," Edward supplied.

"Yes."

"Then why are you dating him?"

She breathed a sigh of relief. He understood. "We're close, Edward. And, despite whatever reason the two of you don't like each other for already, I think you'd like him as a person."

He considered that a moment. Finally, he nodded. "Perhaps."

"We started dating for all the right reasons. But, do you know how two people can be close and still feel apart?"

Edward nodded, his eyes hollow.

"That's what this is."

After considering that for what felt like hours, but in truth was only a matter of minutes, Edward spoke very softly. "You know, Bella. I've been alone all my... life. And the one girl that I set my heart on is already taken. Tell me, what kind of luck is that?"

Bella's heart swelled in her chest. It made it slightly difficult to squeeze out the next words. "You know, Jessica's the girl that every guy goes after. And this time, she's going after the guy. You. I don't see where that compares, really."

"There is no comparison," he assured her. "You outrank Jessica ten to one."

_Me._ The word resounded in her head like a drumbeat. _He said me. But..._ "I don't understand. Jessica's literally who everybody wants. And why not? She's pretty, can do her make up perfectly, always dresses to impress-"

"You know, you really have a problem with your self image."

"What?"

"You underestimate how you could be desirable."

"It's only because I know I'm not. Not even close."

"You're wrong."

"Jessica's the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow." She had to convince him of this. It wasn't fair that he thought more highly of her than he should. He would end up in disappointment, and she couldn't have that. "I'm a midget in comparison."

"If that's the case, then I want the midget."

Bella's breath caught in her chest. Her eyes swam, but not in tears. She felt dizzy, lucid, and as if she might burst at the seams. Edward Cullen, wanting her? It wasn't possible. It simply wasn't. How could it be possible that after everything she'd endured that day, all the emotions that had washed over her, and all the people she'd hurt trying to be true to her feelings for him... after all that... how could the fierceness in his voice be the truth that finally convinced her? Edward wanted her. And after restoring some kind of order to the jumbled mess that was her thoughts, she said the triumphant confession that would change her life forever.

"The midget wants happiness too, dammit."

She hadn't known what to expect. Perhaps, she'd been thinking back on her long hours spent with the aged novels at the foot of her bed, and pictured him gathering her up in his arms and kissing her. Perhaps, she'd thought he'd just smile and let her gloat in her victory. Or maybe, just maybe, she'd thought he'd say he loved her.

But never in a million years had she expected him to frown.

"I know she does," he whispered after the hardest silence she'd ever experienced with him. "And I should excuse myself, and let you get back to living it."

"Wh-what? Edward, wait!" she nearly squealed in horror as he made for her door.

"Shh," he commanded. "You'll wake your father."

"Please," she pleaded. "Come back." Couldn't he hear the necessity in her voice? She'd just admitted wanting him, too. Didn't he care?

"If best friends are all we're going to be then I, as your best friend, should leave and let you get your sleep."

His voice was so cold that it made her shiver. _Best friends? After I just... Oh._ It appeared she'd made him understand after all. He'd just quickly reassessed the situation and realized how crap of a hand Isabella Swan was in comparison to Jessica Stanley. He'd done the quickest about-face in history. And Bella had just broken her own heart.

"What about your Spidey Senses?" she asked tonelessly.

"I don't think you need to concern yourself with that," he retorted.

"Edward," she begged. "Please."

He turned around enough to look into her eyes. And she saw pain. Pain? How could he be pained?

Maybe he'd seen the pain reflected in her own eyes, because when he spoke next, his words were slightly softer. "I'll come back another night."

"Will you? Do you promise?" _Don't disappear forever. I can't handle that. _Not that she was entirely sure she could handle this. But she'd do it, if it meant he'd still be apart of her life. She'd find a way.

"Yes. Monday, we'll talk in Biology."

_But not this weekend._ He didn't even want to see her face. Instead of waiting for an answer, he disappeared through her door noiselessly. It took minutes to for her to move again, and when she did, she put her head in her hands and cried.

* * *

In the cafeteria Monday morning, Edward strode into the lunch line as per usual. Only today, he had his arm around Jessica Stanley. She didn't show the sadness to anyone. Instead, she excused herself to go to the empty bathroom, locked the door behind her, and cried until her shirtsleeve was soaked. Instead of running out of the school to go wait at Jake's house for him to go home and comfort her irrationality, she zipped up her hoodie and hid the dampened sleeve, and waited until her eyes looked normal again before rejoining her friends. She did so for the promise of Biology, her next class. Nothing more. And in that, she realized she still loved him. Even if she'd made him not love her.


	8. Reverie

**VII.**

"How did you sleep Friday night?" was his first question.

"As good as you did," she shot back.

That caught him off guard immediately. "What are you playing at?"

"I'm sorry."

"For?"

She hesitated. "Everything. But in particular for snapping at you just now."

"What do you have to be sorry for?"

"Everything," she repeated.

Edward sighed impatiently. "This isn't how I wanted the conversation to go."

"Say whatever you'd like to," Bella offered. "You don't have to pretend."

"You think this is all pretend, do you?"

"I think you being nice right now is," she admitted.

"And why is that?" His voice was thin already, and the class hadn't even begun. She was batting a zero today.

"Your eyes. They're hostile and expectant, like you're waiting for me to lunge at you any second."

"Not lunge, exactly. But tell me off, perhaps."

"No, Edward. I don't want you to go away, or make you feel bad in any way."

"Your eyes say different."

"_My _eyes should show one of two things right now: confusion or sadness. And no, I'm not going to elaborate on that."

Edward's jaw clenched. "You're making talking more difficult than it has to be."

"I'm no good at it," she replied quietly while the teacher called everyone's attention to the front of the class. "Everything comes out a jumbled mess most of the time."

"Is that what happened Friday night?"

Bella roamed the contours of his face thoughtfully for a moment. "I meant what I said."

"That you want happiness."

"Why are you suddenly so against it?" she countered. "Granted, I gave you every reason in the book why to pick her in the first place, but you shot me down each time, and then I actually _told_ you I-"

"Miss Swan." Mr. Molina stared in Bella's direction, his forehead furrowed angrily. "If you and Mister Cullen don't mind, save your conversation for after class."

Bella apologized and hung her head, nut not to listen. Instead, she picked up her pen and wrote quickly on the corner of her notebook, "Come tonight." She pushed it towards Edward and lifted her head attentively in the direction of Mr. Molina. She heard the scratching of pen on paper to her left, and a second later her notebook was in front of her again.

"Jessica and I have plans."

Choking quietly was not a pleasant experience. She clenched her fists around her hoodie sleeves, and hardened the lines of her eyes. She would not cry. Not in front of all of these people. She absolutely forbade herself to. Then she spun her head around when she felt the light pressure of a gel pen gliding along the back of her hand. Bella squinted down at the beautiful handwriting.

"I'll be there."

Bella met his eyes and shook her head. But instead of returning the gesture, he pressed his pen to her hand again.

"After."

_Of course._ Reluctantly, she drew a "Thank you," on the back of his pale right hand. It was ice cold, but she didn't flinch away from it. Edward's index finger shot out as she recoiled her hand, to loop around her clenched hand. It wasn't quite holding, but it was overwhelmingly sweet. And confusing. Bella brushed her thumb along his knuckle tenderly, then pulled it back the rest of the way. They sat like that through the rest of class, paying careful attention not to look over at the other too often. And Bella, though her hand was now much colder than before, didn't grip her cuffs. Instead, she relaxed. For how long, she couldn't be sure. But she soaked it in for all it was worth, this little ray of sunshine.

Bella shed no more tears that day. And when she saw Edward after school, he didn't have his arm around Jessica as they walked to his silver Volvo. He did hold the door open for her, but when she puckered up for a kiss, he settled on brushing his lips against the tip of her nose. It made her stomach clench to watch, but somehow gave her strength enough to be hopeful for that night.

But what did she have left to hope for?

* * *

For the first time since she'd unpacked her things, her room looked immaculate. Not a shoe was left askew, or a thing on her bedside table out of place. She'd even wiped off her laptop screen, although it was currently snapped shut and neatly tucked away on her desk. Long after she'd begun the overhaul, Bella remembered the compliment Edward had paid her. "Lived in," he'd called her room. She glanced around and heaved a sigh. _Too late now,_ she grumbled. Luckily, she had enough time to fix dinner for her and Charlie. He didn't question why she'd made extra, enough for one, and she didn't volunteer the information. Even if Edward had arrived "not hungry," as usual, she still wasn't going to have him sit there twiddling his thumbs while her dad made her scarf her food down. He could fork through the lasagna like he did with his cafeteria food. She wondered if he even knew that she knew he never ate lunch. He made such a big fuss about buying it everyday and then playing with it, him and his family alike. It wasn't terribly obvious that they all threw away their untouched trays at the end of each hour. But then again, Bella noticed the strangest things sometimes.

Around nine o'clock, she stole up to her room, Charlie on her heels to his own warm bed. She made a habit of sitting on the edge of her bed, clutching a pillow to her middle, and getting up every few minutes to peak down the end of her drive. She wasn't sure she trusted her hearing enough to be able to hear the Volvo pull up. She barely ever heard it when he came to her - in the hall, in the parking lot, even pulling his chair out in Biology. It was more often than not the reason she would jump out of her skin when he was around. Not that she really, truly minded. He always smiled at her when he caught her off guard. And she wouldn't begrudge that beautiful boy a smile if it killed her.

She should've known that her thinking about it would summon him somehow, some way.

"Bella?"

Edward's voice might as well have materialized from a dark corner of her room; a bony, white hand shot out of nowhere to cover her mouth as she gasped in fright. Bella held her breath and listened as she stared into his honeysuckle eyes, as bright and warm as melted gold. She realized, about the same time she heard the comforting sound of her father's snores, that his hand wasn't quite as cold as it usually she was. She breathed on it as it pulled away, and his fingers curled as if he tried to grab the warm air.

"What was that for?" he whispered.

Bella reached up and took his hand in her own, pressing it against her cheek. Sure enough, she'd been right the first time. There was unmistakable heat there that she'd never felt before. What's more, he was closer in proximity to her, leaning over her small body on her bed, than he'd ever been before. When he'd first met her, she couldn't sit next to him without him being rigid, in obvious severe discomfort. Now, with his eyes light and golden like miniature celestial orbs, he was only a few inches from her in any direction, and he didn't seem bothered in the least. It could've just been wishful thinking on her part, of course. But he actually looked... right at home.

"Your eyes," was the first thing she said.

"My eyes?"

"And you're so warm."

"And you're too observant."

She couldn't help but giggle. The tone of his voice made it sound like he was scolding a teenager. "Perhaps. But I notice the good things. Like how this," she spoke softly as she trailed her fingertips down his high cheekbone, "doesn't bother you anymore."

Edward took her hand in his, grasping it gently. "It will. Not as badly as it did the first time we met. But it will again."

"Does it have anything to do with your body temperature?"

"And my eyes, yes."

"Will you tell me?"

"I can't help but tell you, now." He tucked his legs underneath him and took his place on the bed beside her. Not at the other end like the other night. But right next to her. She felt herself swell with jubilance at the close proximity of him. It was divine. "But first, I should apologize for lying to you earlier today, in Biology."

"You lied?" she muttered. How a heart could sink so quickly, she'd never know.

"About going to see Jessica after school. It was actually my family and I that had made plans."

"But why did you say it was Jessica? I wouldn't have minded if it was a family outting."

"It was a last, futile attempt to push you away. And keep you from knowing the truth that'll only end up hurting you. It was all I could muster, and I really should have tried harder. But you looked like you were ready to cry right there in class. And my... well, heart, lurching like it did made up my mind for me."

"Made up your mind?" she asked breathlessly.

He considered his words before finally saying, "You told me the truth. I owe it to you to do the same."

There was more. His eyes said so. But the truth would be enough. For now.


	9. Stipulation

**VIII.**

Emotion after emotion passed over Edward's face as he paced back and forth at the foot of the bed. Bella watched him with anticipation, and she even felt a twinge of worry cloud her curiosity. His eyes flew in every direction, seeking answers that wouldn't come. He was questioning himself outwardly now, showing her his inner turmoil. It was something he'd never done before. One thing above all was certain: he had no idea where to begin. It comforted her in a way. It made him seem almost like anyone else. Anyone who looked like a demigod, of course. _But still_, she marveled.

Edward stopped short and his eyes flew up to hers. "I went to eat."

"...what?" That definitely wasn't what she expected to come out of his mouth.

"Yes. I went to eat just now. With my family."

"Oh. Um... okay. What did you have?" Lost. Absolutely lost. And she was sure her face reflected it, because the corners of his mouth turned up at her question.

"Deer."

"You're a hunter?"

Edward turned his whole body to face her. "Exactly."

"No offense or anything. But I can't picture you in camouflage from head to toe, or carrying a shotgun like my Charlie's."

He made a frustrated noise from the deeper regions of his throat. It was almost animalistic. "No, no, no. Not that kind of a hunter."

"But you just said you ate deer."

"Not so much _eat_. But." He grumbled. "You don't understand."

"You're right. I don't."

"You see, I'm on a... special of diet."

"Like a vegetarian?"

"Yes. Just like a vegetarian. Only, not the kind that you're used to."

"Tell me," Bella begged.

Edward came to sit beside her, and took her hand in his. "You said I feel warm. And that my eyes have changed."

"Yes. Since this afternoon. You seem so different now."

"It's because I ate. I'm not quite so..."

"Grumpy?"

He chuckled, his eyes sparkling. "Yes. Not quite so grumpy as usual. You should tell me one day, why you put up with me when I'm in such an ill temperament."

"Well, that's very simple. You're amazing, no matter when it is I talk to you. Hungry, full. But I prefer the full, definitely. Especially if we can be so close."

He looked down at their hands, her tiny one still captured in his own. "I only hope you'll think that after I tell you what I need to tell you."

"Edward." She felt horrible that he was so nervous. If she could ease his mind, even a little, it would make her feel better. "I've never met anyone like you before. You're so different, so much... more."

"But what if it's more of something you won't like?"

"I highly doubt that."

"I don't. Not for a second I don't."

"Then tell me. Put your mind at ease, and trust me enough to tell me."

Edward rose to his feet and walked over to the window, where the moon shown through the thin veil of her curtains. He was radiant in the moonlight. It was almost like his white skin glowed in it. But of course, that was impossible.

"If only it was daytime," he sighed. "That might make it stick easier." He closed his eyes and exhaled once more. "This'll have to do, I'm afraid."

And, as if he'd never gotten up, he was sitting on the edge of her bed again, still as stone. Bella shrank into her pillows, her hand flying up to her mouth in fright.

"That's not even half of it, I'm afraid." The golden eyes he lifted up to look at her through suddenly seemed so feral.

"How did you do that?" she gasped through her fingers.

"The same way I can tear a tree up by its roots. The same way I drank the blood of a deer for dinner tonight. And it's because of the deer that I can be this close to you now."

"I... Edward, I don't-"

"Shh, Bella. Please. Don't make this harder than it has to be."

"But I-"

"Yes?"

"What are you?" Bella couldn't find the words. She could barely find her own voice. But what was the word she was looking for? She'd read it in novels since she was a girl, and had a nightmare or two about such notions the night after reading them. But what was that _word_?

"You know, I'm glad your eyes are such good talkers. Without them, I'd never know what you were thinking. And dammit, it makes everything so much harder, not knowing."

"You act like it's an everyday occurrence. Being able to read someone's mind, that is."

His crooked smile was tainted with a worry beyond his years. "For me, Bella. For me, it is."

"You must be joking," she breathed.

"I wish I was."

She thought that over, then made an attempt at getting to the core of what his words meant. "You're not human."

"Not even close."

"Tell me the word."

"I know you know it."

"I do. But I can't find it."

"Try, Bella. Please try."

Bella scrunched her forehead and set her mind to what she knew about Edward Cullen. He was anything but ordinary, from the roots of his unusual bronze hair to his very skin, which was white as snow and just as cold, too. His eyes could change colors. Very odd colors at that - ebony to butterscotch, and back again. He sometimes looked ancient beyond his seventeen years, like he was as wise as ten scholars, and had all of their experience to boot. He even drank the blood of-

"Blood." The word resounded in the air around her. It became the breath she took, the gleam in Edward's eye, and the answer to her problems. _Blood_.

"Exactly," he whispered.

"You're a...?"

"Say it. Out loud." It was a demand now, not a request. He had to know this moment. And she needed him to deny it right now, least she be consumed by an impossible thought this this one.

"Vampire."

Edward raised up one of his hands and laid it softly against her cheek. "You didn't even flinch?"

"Just now?"

"Yes. Me touching you. Why?"

"I never mind it when you touch me. I told you. I like being close to you."

"Still? After what just-?"

He was right. It was completely, utterly illogical of her not to run into her father's room and grab his shotgun, or the keys to the cruiser. She should actually be dead right now, if he wanted her blood so badly it was enough to make him be so rigid around her the first few days in school. Biology had been hell sitting at the same table with him. And yet, he'd just told her he had sucked the life blood out of a deer earlier that evening, and she didn't even cringe at his putting a hand to her bare skin.

"You want to know the craziest part of it all?"

It was Edward's turn to shrink back a little. "Don't tell me you have a surprise of your own."

Bella laughed nervously. "Not exactly. But... I don't care."

"Excuse me?"

"I don't care what you are. It doesn't matter."

"It doesn't matter?" he stuttered. "It doesn't _matter_?"

"It's too late for it to matter."

"I don't know what you mean."

"I think I'd have to show you, now. Or at least, do something, to explain myself better."

"Like what?"

Bella sucked in a breath, straightening up to her full height as she sat up like a washboard. "I have to go to LaPush."


	10. Decision

**IX.**

This was something she had to do. It wasn't exactly the part she was looking most forward to, but it was the one she was most anxious about. Telling someone she loved them... well, she'd done that before. But telling someone she didn't. That was something else entirely.

Edward rode in the passenger's seat the whole way with her. He made a show about crossing the boundary to the Quileute reservation, but Bella wasn't about to just drop him off alongside the road and pick him up on her way back through. He settled for staying hidden in the cab while Jake and Bella talked, but she was sure he would somehow be able to hear their conversation one way or another. Besides the telepathy he had explained to her, he could hear everyone's thoughts. All except her own. _Great_, her first thought had been. _One more thing I'm a freak at_. Then there was his miraculous sensory skills he'd shared with her - unbelievable strength, listening to the grass grow, a speed that was rarely matched even by others of his own kind. The sight, thought of, and worst of all, the smell of blood bothered him to no end. He and his family were vegetarian vampires that chose to feed off of deer and animals instead of people, for their own moral beliefs. Bella thought it was almost masochistic to deny themselves daily of the thing they needed and craved the most, but she admired them all for it. She was especially proud of Edward when he told her her blood had been the one to have driven him the craziest, and he'd still resisted.

"I smelled better than all of the rest?" she inquired, trying to make sense of something she had no knowledge of.

"You certainly did. We have a thing we call humans who smell irresistible to our kind - "bloodsingers." Because their blood literally sings to us to be drunk. Yours called to me, and I nearly gave in that day. But something stopped me."

"I remember you looked like you were in such horrible pain that day. I thought it was just chalked up to your displeasure at having the seat besides you taken now, halfway through the school year."

He chuckled. "Oh, I was. But more so because I though to myself, _poor soul. Someone else has to endure having me for a Biology partner. What a joy_."

"Did I disappoint you, Mister Cullen?" she asked jokingly.

"Isabella Marie Swan, you've done nothing but surprise me from day one. Actually, this very moment, I'm surprised you'll be alone with me at all."

"Because you're a vampire?" she clarified.

"How?" He threw his hands up exasperatedly. "How do you take everything so calmly? Why aren't you scared out of your mind right now?"

"I told you. Because it doesn't matter."

"Doesn't matter," he scoffed. "It doesn't matter that I'm a monster?"

"No."

"It doesn't matter than I've killed people before?"

"No."

"It doesn't matter that you and I are impossible?"

That time, her head spun as if it were a top. "You and I?"

"Us, yes."

Bella pondered that a moment before saying the words that had been frustrating her for days now. "But I can't help it, Edward. You and I found each other for some reason. And now, seeing into you the way you just let me, nothing's going to let me let you go."

Edward shook his head slowly. "You make absolutely no sense sometimes, you know."

"I'm sorry," she allowed.

"Don't be." He was smiling again all of a sudden. "I'd be lying if I said I wasn't enjoying it."

* * *

Billy Black, Jacob's father, opening the door enough to see her standing in the doorway, was plenty enough to pull her out of reverie. It was time.

"Is Jake home?" she asked quietly.

"You alright, Bella?" Billy asked concernedly. "It's late."

"I know, and I'm really sorry. It's something I need to talk to Jacob about. Alone, please," she said pointedly.

"You look upset."

"Not nearly as much as I will once I say what I have to say."

"I don't like the sound of that very much."

Bella did her best to smile apologetically. "Neither do I. Now please, Billy. Let me in."

Instead of waiting for Billy to drag Jake back from the inner regions of the house, Bella crossed the threshold with a fleeting glance back at the truck.

_It'll be worth it_, she assured herself. _It'll be more than worth it_.

* * *

Worth it or not, Bella still emerged from the interior of the house with tears threatening to stream down her cheeks. She knew she couldn't let them win until she'd pulled out of the driveway, but Edward pressing in close to her once she was back inside the cab of the truck again didn't help her resolve any.

"I'm so sorry," he repeated over and over again. As if he were to blame for what had just happened.

"You don't have to be. Nor do I want you to be," she would choke back in response.

"I don't care what should or could be. You're hurting, and I don't know what to do to make it better."

"Take me back home," she begged. "Please."

In an instant, Edward slid her over to where he'd just been sitting, keeping his arm around her as he stepped on the gas. "We'll be home soon."

"I'm sorry," she sobbed. It was her turn to apologize, over and over again.

"For what?"

"For having to listen to that."

"I think I understand better now, Bella. But shh. Let it out of you while we make the trip back."

And so she clung to his side, and quietly snuck up to her room when they got there, her eyes finally dry.

"I'll come back tonight," he said, bending over her as she pulled up her covers. It was well after midnight. And they had school the next day.

"Edward," she whispered.

"Yes?"

"Don't go."

"I'll be back," he promised.

* * *

That night she dreamt of two things: Edward and Jake.

Her first all too vivid dream was of Jacob. Him standing there, looking like a lost puppy, as she pathetically made an attempt at telling him she didn't love him anymore. Not the way they both had thought.

"You love me, Bella," he reassured her, his hands on both of her shoulders like hot furnaces ready to burn her at any moment. "I'm sure of it."

"I do love you. But I'm not... Jake, I'm not in love with you. I don't think we're meant to be anything more than best friends, and I feel closest to you that way than anything else."

"I haven't been a good boyfriend," he said quickly.

"I wish you wouldn't blame yourself."

"But it's true. If I'd tried harder, you'd still want to be with me. Instead of taking this for granted, we'd be trying to make it work. Instead of just giving up on it."

"I can't help the way I feel," she said softly.

"No." He took her face in his hands, forcing her eyes up to meet hers. "But I can."

"Don't kiss me, Jake."

He stopped with his inches an inch away from her own. "Why?" he asked roughly.

"Because I don't want you to."

Reluctantly, he'd let his hands fall away from her face to hang limply at his sides. "This is what you really want?"

"Yes." Her voice quivered for the first time. It was a sign to end the conversation before the floodgates opened. She wouldn't let him see one of her tears. Not if it killed her.

"I know who it is, you know." He didn't elaborate, and she didn't need him to.

"I figured you would."

"Do you love him?"

"I haven't told him yet."

Jacob Black turned his back on her then, and only turned back to smile at her as he reached his bedroom door. "If this is what you really want. Because quite frankly, Bella, I don't know what else to do." And the door shut, with him on the other side of it.

In her dream, she walked back out to the truck to find Edward crouched over a doe, a pool of liquid crimson underneath its jugular on the ground where it lay. She gasped, and Edward straightened up to glance back at her. His mouth had not ring of blood around it, but his eyes were like warm honey pools, swimming in the moonlight. He reached out to her. "Don't be afraid," he cooed in his velvet voice. And she wasn't. With a sure step and her tears swallowed, she stepped forward and took his hand. The deer's neck only had two puncture wounds in it. Its legs flinched back and forth as if it weren't aware it was dead yet, the nerve endings still flamed up from the gallop it had been taken down during. Bella glanced back up at Edward's face, calm, collective, himself. He was staring back at her. Without hesitation, he bent down and pressed his lips to her forehead. And in that moment, she knew this was the choice she could live with.

* * *

Bella woke, startled and covered in her own cold sweat. She got up, heading straight for her shower, to let the warm water wash away the tremors that were starting from some depth in her chest and working their way out. They hadn't completely gone away yet when the hot water ran out, but she dressed in fresh clothes and laid back down. It wasn't yet light out, and she wanted the time to rest before school. Her night, and her dreams, had exhausted her. And, if she was correct, she'd be needing her strength today.


	11. Utopia

**X.**

"Bella."

Velvet. It had never sounded so good.

She smiled at him as she took her seat beside him at their Biology table, and he showed the pearly whites that had been featured in her dream. Somehow, she still could not bring herself to flinch away from them. Just smile in acceptance of it.

"How did you sleep, beautiful?"

Her heart felt like it might fly out of her chest. "I can't complain. You?"

Edward chuckled, and answered so quietly only Bella could hear him. "One of the side effects of being a vampire. I can't sleep."

"Ever?"

"Ever."

"I'm sorry," she sighed.

"For what?"

"Bringing it up in the first place."

"You'll find out soon enough all the little quirks."

"And I'll remember what not to say, so I don't quite make such a fool of myself."

"You really don't need to worry about it," he chuckled again. "You knowing all on its own is a weight lifted. You not bolting in terror, well... that's more than I could have asked for."

"Did you really think that?" she pressed. "Did you really think I'd run away from you?"

"Yes. You're the first human I've ever told. The first human I've ever had any intention of keeping alive, that is."

Bella couldn't help it - his words made her shudder a little bit. "You weren't always a vegetarian?"

"No. There was a spell where I rebelled, and went off on my own. I killed humans then, but only people I deemed worthy of death."

"Worthy of death?"

"I was the hand of God for a while, so to speak. I killed those who deserved to die - mostly murderers."

"That's... good."

Edward's pupils, still golden but not quite so bright this morning, dilated. "What?"

"Well, think about it. If you'd rebelled at all, at least you didn't betray your morality and kill indiscriminately. You were just and fair, and like my father, only went after criminals."

"I don't think you can compare Police Chief to immortal bloodsucker."

Bella giggled at the thought of him flapping around with bat wings. "About those myths, you turning into bats, not being able to go out in the sun, killed by garlic and wooden stakes-?"

"Myth, half true, myth, and myth. Oh, we don't sleep in coffins, either."

Through a snicker, she continued. "Only half true?"

"We can't go out in the daylight. Everyone would know we were different. Our skin, it shimmers like diamonds faceted into our pours."

"It sounds beautiful."

"It can be quite distracting in traffic."

"You're in a glorious mood today," she noted with obvious enthusiasm. "And quite honestly, your mood's rubbing off."

"Why shouldn't I be?" he beamed. "Save for you crying, last night was one of the best of my life. Well, existence. And, what's more, Jessica and I broke up during lunch today."

"What?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"Is that why you weren't there?" she asked urgently.

"Yes ma'am."

"Why didn't you tell me?" she demanded.

"I just did."

"Oh, Edward, don't be cheeky."

"I can't help it," he laughed. "You're positively flustered. Your cheeks are a lovely shade of pink, by the way."

Bella gripped the cuffs of her hoodie and slapped them to the sides of her face. Sure enough, they were a few degrees warmer than they should've been. "I hate pink," she muttered.

His long, slender fingers reached across the table to pull them down, so he could look into her eyes once more. "Please don't hide your face. I was rather set on staring at it for the next hour."

"Edward."

"Yes?"

"You promise you'll come over again tonight?"

"Would you mind if I ate first? Just to be fully in control of myself?"

"Not at all."

"Bella?"

"Hm?"

"I have a question I'd like to ask you later."

"I'd love to hear it," she whispered shyly.

"You will," he smiled. "You will."

* * *

He arrived with time to spare. She was just putting the dishes away from dinner, and had turned towards the cupboards, when she he was suddenly there, leaning up against the beam that ran vertically between the kitchen and the doorway. This time, she jumped. But only barely.

"Sorry," he grinned, steadying the dishes in her hands before they toppled over.

"It's alright," she soothed him. "Just one more thing I'll have to get used to."

"Can I ask a question?"

Bella's eyes lit up expectantly.

"No, no, not that question. Not just yet. But a different one. One almost as important."

"Of course," she nodded, filing the plates into their respective places.

"Do you realize we're both talking about adjusting to life with the knowledge of me a vampire out in the open?"

"Well, sure. We're going to have to. I won't just ignore something like that. It'll help me understand things much better."

"That's not what I meant," he continued. "We're both making it sound like we're going to be permanent fixtures in one another's daily routine. Did you realize?"

She blinked. "You're not planning on staying?"

Edward smiled. "You know what I mean?"

Bella did something she'd never done before. She swallowed her bashfulness, and spoke her mind, not bothering to filter herself. "You should stay, Edward. I really don't think you should leave tonight."

The effect was instantaneous. His eyes widened, and his voice grew bit huskier than normal. "Not at all?"

"Stay," she nearly begged.

Edward took the rest of her plates and shoved them up into a cupboard, then took her up in his arms and flew up her stairs. Somehow, the doorknob didn't even creak as he somehow opened it with his hands full with her, and it somehow didn't slam shut before he set her down on her cold covers. They were actually a degree or two colder than his skin, for a change.

"You won't go?" she whispered softly.

"I'll stay right here," he promised.

Bella gripped his collar and pulled him down beside her. They held each other like that for a few minutes in silence. It was the most comfortable silence. She was almost afraid to speak up first. But she did anyway.

"So, you should tell me what Jessica's face looked like when you broke up with her."

Edward laughed quietly in her ear. "She's going around telling everyone she broke up with me, just to warn you."

"But I know better," she assured him. "Tell me. Please."

"Have you ever seen someone's mouth fall open?"

"Yes," she sighed triumphantly. It wasn't in answer to his question, either. It was just pure spiteful joy. And she loved it.

He had to bury his face in her hair to keep his laugh quiet. "You're such a dork."

Bella grinned. "I should be sorry, but I'm not."

"And I should feel bad for dating her in the first place, but I'm not. And it's not for the obvious reason you probably assume it was."

"What was it?" she asked innocently.

"You're cute when you're jealous."

She grumbled into the fabric of his chest. "No, I'm not. It's unsightly."

Edward placed a finger under the tip of her chin and guided it up to his. "It was nice to know you wanted me so badly."

"I didn't do a good job hiding it," she mumbled in disappointment.

"No, but it was worth seeing. I loved it," he admitted.

Bella smiled in contentment, not saying anything. Another comfortable silence. This time, she waited until Edward spoke up first.

"Bella?" he asked, his voice breaking at first.

She looked up at him. He seemed so vulnerable again. Quickly, she made to relieve his worried mind. "Yes?"

"About that question I wanted to ask you..."

"Yes?" she repeated encouragingly.

"I only wish everyone was here to hear me ask it. So everyone would know as quickly as us. And there'd be no doubt about you and I."

"I don't understand," she barely breathed.

"Bella?" He took a deep breath before continuing. "Will you be mine?"

Blank.

Stunned.

Lost in how beautifully his lips moved while he said the words.

She had to form the words.

Had to.

"Nothing would make me happier."

He curled her into a tight ball, and leaned down to press his lips to hers. Bella was only brought back to Earth when he spoke again.

"I love you."

"Edward. I love you, too."

And she knew, by the look in his eyes, and the look she saw reflected in them by her own, that she was right where she was meant to be.


	12. Epilogue: Savoureux

Dear Jared,

You know how parents will sometimes let their  
children open one present early, on Christmas Eve?

I got to open mine on November Thirteenth,  
a whole month and a half early.

I know Bella waited until after they were married  
before she divulged the secrets of her mind,  
and showed Edward the beauty behind her  
side of the love story. Remembering each and  
every kiss, every touch, and every perfect memory.  
But I wanted to show you,  
as the most heartfelt present I could think of,  
that "no one's ever loved anyone as much as I love you."

We may not quite be the lion and the lamb the story portrays.  
But I rather like the zebra and the owl version.

(There's one chapter for each day I'll be away on the cruise.  
One to remind you each day I'm gone that I love you.)

Merry Christmas, bebe. And a Happy New Year.

I love you.


End file.
